No sex for me!

I haven't had sex since Monday, so don't you fucking dare talk to me about world hunger. OK!

LMFAO

Make fullest of sex when it cums along

research found dat more sex can cure a low blood pressure n also release stress....other den dat gud 4 intimate relationship:)

Sex is an age old natural therapy, if you are deprived, you are deprived...

Last night, I got in touch with my feminine side... I made myself a sandwich.

Some of you arsewipes call me perverted, but I prefer to call myself sexually explicit.

I don't understand why people tiptoe around the issue of sex, it's perfectly natural - 'no sex before marriage' if you wish to be a boring cunt.

If my boyfriend doesn't turn on the TV first when he sits down on the couch, that's a Blow Job request.

You know how your first cigarette after you've quit smoking for months is better than any orgasm and yes! Yes! OH GOD yessss.

both can be addictive u start again

yezz...thats rite..ive stopped for 4 months, n i know da pleasure after starting new again...hihihi..

Orgasm rocks! Nuff said.

The sexual tension between me and my mirror is undeniable.

Flirting, anyone can do. Holding a conversation of substance for more than 5 messages? Please, humor me. I miss being impressed.

I am that girl your parents didn't warn you about because nobody knows this much awesome is contained in a single mind.

I refuse to be friends with the kind of girl who asks for her hairband back.

Yet another bitch

Guys are weird. Who the heck says exactly what they mean and feel?

I should get myself a tweeter.

Not all men are pigs. There are other animals too.

Sometimes I talk to myself. Hahaha me too!

I'm not shy. I just never feel like replying dumb questions. Big difference.

My English teacher staples Burger King job application forms on failed tests.

Word of advice ladies: Never date a guy who doesn't like dogs.

Last night, I got in touch with my feminine side... I made myself a sandwich.

Some of you arsewipes call me perverted, but I prefer to call myself sexually explicit.

2 pieces of advice for married men

Never laugh at your wife's choices; you are one of them

Never proud of your choices; your wife is one of them

I don't understand why people tiptoe around the issue of sex, it's perfectly natural - 'no sex before marriage' if you wish to be a boring cunt.

If my boyfriend doesn't turn on the TV first when he sits down on the couch, that's a BJ request.

Whenever men adjust themselves in public and realise that I saw them, I like to give them two thumbs up to let them know I enjoyed the show!

I hate you a little when you take a screenshot of your iPhone, and I can see you have more battery life than me.

In a relationship, the first person to make the other scream, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!" wins!

Failproof way to piss off your Ex! 1. Send sexy pic 2. Wait for reply 3. Reply back: Sorry, that was intended for someone else Works every time.

In the putrid hell called life, I am Alice and you guys are my Wonderland. See, I can be romantic. Now who wants to date me?

I hate being bi-polar. It's fuckin' awesome!

At times I pretend to be normal; but then it gets dead b-o-r-i-n-g, so I go back to being me.

this is not a blog

Sometimes I hate you people more than those pricks over at Facebook.

Listen up fellas... The only thing most women really want is for you to make them feel like they are the only one that matters. And sex.

If and when birth control ever becomes illegal again, let's all just become lesbians by choice and let the dudes figure out how to fuck each other.

Your mom listens to Eminem?

I'm pretty down-to-earth. When I'm not invading Mars or ruling Venus.

I'm making a naughty list. What's your name?

I'd feel more comfortable talking about your toilet preferences than your religious ones. I like piped in toilet music. You know, like in hotel? Classy. Pee story is one comment below. This thread is about how you like your toilet. Mostly the interior design. Haha. Jungle themed toilet is not very comforting. Got snake, spider and what not. I don't think I can do my business in the jungle.

My nephews asked me why girls pee sitting down. I told them they're lazy.