Yet another bitch

Guys are weird. Who the heck says exactly what they mean and feel?

I should get myself a tweeter.

Not all men are pigs. There are other animals too.

Sometimes I talk to myself. Hahaha me too!

I'm not shy. I just never feel like replying dumb questions. Big difference.

My English teacher staples Burger King job application forms on failed tests.

Word of advice ladies: Never date a guy who doesn't like dogs.

Last night, I got in touch with my feminine side... I made myself a sandwich.

Some of you arsewipes call me perverted, but I prefer to call myself sexually explicit.

2 pieces of advice for married men

Never laugh at your wife's choices; you are one of them

Never proud of your choices; your wife is one of them

I don't understand why people tiptoe around the issue of sex, it's perfectly natural - 'no sex before marriage' if you wish to be a boring cunt.

If my boyfriend doesn't turn on the TV first when he sits down on the couch, that's a BJ request.

Whenever men adjust themselves in public and realise that I saw them, I like to give them two thumbs up to let them know I enjoyed the show!

I hate you a little when you take a screenshot of your iPhone, and I can see you have more battery life than me.

In a relationship, the first person to make the other scream, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!" wins!

Failproof way to piss off your Ex! 1. Send sexy pic 2. Wait for reply 3. Reply back: Sorry, that was intended for someone else Works every time.

In the putrid hell called life, I am Alice and you guys are my Wonderland. See, I can be romantic. Now who wants to date me?

I hate being bi-polar. It's fuckin' awesome!

At times I pretend to be normal; but then it gets dead b-o-r-i-n-g, so I go back to being me.