Wednesday, September 9, 2015
A virgin's thought
At first glance, what I will tell you, I do not seem to be concerned about, but It’s bothering me for quite some time.
With my friend we met a few years ago while I was still in high school, soon we became a couple, went out for a short time. Everything was great and we had fun together. Then he had to go out of town and my past problems and concerns, just moved away. Our relationship broke off due to my desire. He did not want that. I just left him without much explanation.
A few months ago we started to see each other again. He is from another city, but here in the house. Five years is older than me.
We jogged and that we wanted to have sex. He knew I was a virgin (not yet 21, was not found suitable!!! - will say: "what a loser!").
Our first attempt was a failure. We went to the hotel because there was nowhere else - I live with my family and there is always someone home and he shares a room with a roommate. That night in the hotel room he had a rock hard erection, or if this occurs, it was for 1-2 minutes! I was slightly worried. The interesting thing was that he was not making any effort to placate me and calm, and kept saying how I was strapped!!! :( And finally just found that I was not ready! I look forward with such joy and I was waiting for tonight...
We tried again after some time. Naturally I had to tell him that I want him, and he just agreed. Looks like you had begged of me. We went again in that hotel. This time it get, but it is over very quickly! It worried that hurt me several times and asked me how I am. I liked his concern even touched me. First time I was not expecting much, but not so short. "Nothing!" I told myself.
Since then he went nearly a month. We see a coffee, but by his side no trace of desire for sex. I try to show him that I want him, but he obviously does not understand me, or at least makes. Complains of problems and stress at work, how hard life is. I do me endure my parents until after feel relatively calm and assured. Trying to figure out whether there are problems, what they are, but he says nothing. He turns a joke, looks nice to me and kissing me. So
Perhaps no extra money for a hotel room?!
The problem is not about who has how much, in that it sometimes makes me feel so unnecessary, unwanted, even strange. Especially when it says something to me with indifference and hostility - of course, all this is supposed to be a joke. For example - "who will lie to fetch you?" "What are these earrings?", "Very red lipstick you", "too tall, and I do not like tall women" .A but now I react as his snort and give the kind that do not care. But then, when I'm alone and think, I became so bad that I wanted to pick up the phone and vulgarized it for what it is told. I feel that begin to embitter against him for such comments. Missing from his repertoire at all gentle words. If I granted - nothing to be wasted!
He is not the type of men who download stars and talk a bunch of slops to enchant the woman. It is rather restrained and perhaps this mystery attracted me in the beginning. Even I thought it very confident (the first time he tried to have sex - then felt how unsure). Kissing is great, makes me literally sweep legs. I thought that there was a sexual experience, but the 2 times I did not see it displayed.
So Render is closed with respect to a person who wish, but he says the same. I've never seen him be sincerely happy about something or to say that it is satisfied with something, grateful for something, expecting something forward. Complete indifference. And always saying how he sleeps! Is it normal for a 25 year old man?
A man look at me - I do not look bad at all. I'm nice, I'm smart and with a sense of humour. I've had boyfriends and did not know how to behave. I have not jealous and I have not taken account where she goes. I am expecting me to assess.
With each passing day I realize that it is limited and does not give me what I want from a relationship. But I still hope to be wrong. Why? I do not know.
Maybe I should find another? I do not want to cheat ... maybe he already makes it when so often returns to hometown...